First post back in a year and yes, I’m going that deep today.
Goodbyes often come with change and what I’ve learned is that impacts me a lot more internally than I care to admit. These times are always the scariest with the fear of what’s to come and the grieving of what was.
The year started off by leaving my LA adventures and friends behind. That was a lot harder than I ever thought. You have to realize that that particular journey was something I’d been waiting for almost my entire life. Living so close to where big dreams become realties, surrounded by so many creative people, with so many iconic places, and where anything felt possible. I knew when leaving that place it would be something I could never go back to. Yes LA will be there, but my apartment, roommates, classmates, mentors, my incredible internship would be no more. So making peace with that as I entered my last semester in college made the semester back in Anderson, Indiana almost miserable. I was internally stressed with feeling stuck, angry with classes, and a bit terrified that I soon would have college ripped away from me in the same way. It’s funny because I never felt like I belonged anywhere be it college or even back in LA, but once it was over I realized just how important that those experiences, moments, opportunities, relationships were in my life and dare I say formed my whole comfortable world.
As April approached its end so did my time at Anderson as I was getting ready to graduate. I made the most of that semester with short films, new friends, and appreciating the old ones. However, something was off. Mentally I had been out of it, I like to reference these moments as “bad brain days” or weeks, in this case months. Which made all of these life changes hard from graduating, moving, and again coming to terms with goodbyes. But soon like a storm that passed, the sun was peering out.
Once the beauty that is fall came into full swing so did some more goodbyes. Friends were going back to college and work, I officially wrapped up my first radio job, and said a horrendous goodbye to a friend. It was a lot, but fortunately the end 2017 decided to be kind. I finally landed my first “adult” job, adopted some fish, and tagged along a spontaneous weekend trip to NYC. (Again all random, but I’m finding the little joys in the year.) Wrapping the year up with a sloppy, but beautiful bow.
Now that my timeline has been established, what’s the profound epiphany here?
Reflection I guess. Realizing that goodbyes and changes from places, relationships, to life events they can all be hard-and maybe that’s okay. Maybe I’m just trying to document a hard year and be able to look back one day and remember all the love and support that came with it all. And maybe, to take life as it comes and to appreciate each life moment AND the change. So here’s to 2018.
A Note: If you’ve read this far, god bless, I realize this may be all over the place in terms of structure and grammar. I had a lot of wonderful memories and moments in 2017 as well, this is simply a stream of conscious post to reflect my personal journey.